I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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