dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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