I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize