I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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