lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
