in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want her autograph on my taint
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
