how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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