just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
