Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
