I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
