"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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