garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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