There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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