We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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