My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
