We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
