He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
