do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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