I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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