After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You made out with two different species that night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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