went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
