Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
