Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
