my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
