Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also, beer. Big fan.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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