This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
