Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
