i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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