I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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