Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
