During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
