I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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