Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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