where does the pee come out of this thing
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize