I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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