Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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