eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
