also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
