Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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