It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
