perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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