just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize