My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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