Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
