I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
