I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
