Someone shit on the floor
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
