oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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