Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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