so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
