I will die if light touches me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize