how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
