whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to fling myself into the sun
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
