I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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