Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
