yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
