omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
