Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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