tell your sister to shave her snatch
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
