dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
