so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
