I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
