My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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