Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
