I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
